you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
