If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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