Do you still have your period?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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