when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
