Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
