I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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