i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I have tasted many bathrooms
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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