Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
