Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
