I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I am midnight drunk by noon
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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