oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
