Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
