anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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