hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
