His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
