Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
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my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
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i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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