bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
