go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
