Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Randomize
