I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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