toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Randomize
