just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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