Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Randomize
