I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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