my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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