i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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