I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
