We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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