i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
