I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
