Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
