I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
