She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
