First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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