His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
