Need sex. Gaining weight.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
