the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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