HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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