you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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