So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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