Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
