He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!