Sacagawea was the original milf.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen