I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks