Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(303): View more from Colorado

I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality

Fav 6 1051 1120
share tweet
(239): View more from Florida

and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.

Fav 5 807 2132
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(360): View more from Washington

The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.

Fav 48 4525 802
share tweet
(714): View more from California

Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.

Fav 19 1727 6564
share tweet
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(541): View more from Oregon

She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...

Fav 28 7170 2128
share tweet
(503): View more from Oregon

ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.

Fav 9 1321 904
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(940): View more from Texas

She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.

Fav 9 2514 1133
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(707): View more from California

fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night

Fav 4 1584 552
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(409): View more from Texas

He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.

Fav 2 122 159
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT