I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
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She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
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He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.