im having a threesome with these popsicles
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
