They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I need a burrito and a hug.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
