it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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