I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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