Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I want to be your penis for a week.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize
