omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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