bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I need to stop coming to work sober
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
