I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
