What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
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just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
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Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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