i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
