A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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