I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
