Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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