My Higher Power is John Stamos
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
ugly people sure do ruin things
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
