lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
