Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
