I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
