Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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