NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Randomize
