You can't special order awesome
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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