Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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