Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
