why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
