You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
